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Showing posts from July, 2018

Death is so, final!

I'm now in my late 40's , still looking 29 tho, and just a few short days ago I was setting in a church where I once sang songs. My Dad, My Aunt Shelia and My Aunt Connie sat on the bench in front of me. It was Mamaw Sue's Funeral at Lower Chilhowee Baptist Church.  Once I sang there as a kid with a RadioShack speaker and a microphone. The 35 to 50 people that was attending church that night for me was a huge audience, back then. Back at the funeral I was reminded  of just who the fuck I was. I saw with my own eyes those things from my childhood that sent me where I am today - again.
The change for me is living. I was reminded of how I never wanted to live back then, i thought. My humor was to cover pain, i was aware of it but didn't "know" I had it, it seemed so normal then. Hell it wasn't pain. It was confusion. Still is. I have no pain. I have emotions and feelings - they are so freaking strong that I obsess.
I look in the mirror  and I freak out. I am…