This balance crap is unstable for me.

The irony in all this stuff I am trying to do is really striving to be TheRealTazCable. I don't know that I have ever been "real". I wish I could write like I am in the middle of a crowd with a couple cocktails in me. I guess I have so much going through my head that I feel like I am not being honest with everyone. Realistically my humor is honest, brutal sometimes and usually things that most people can't get away with, ever saying or doing. I am not sure why its that way. I guess I am just blessed and if writing is something that I want to do I better get use to being honest and deliver it the same way as I do in person.
I recently met a jewelry maker who was fluent in crystals and stone. I ask her to make me a bracelet that would give me Emotional Detachment. See that car I was waiting for that day in my last post in  Panacea turns out, I was driving it all along. I was the one I was waiting on.  So she defined that to mean - balance.
Balance is a word that I have heard yet struggled with my entire life. I have always been full on slacker or all in determined asshole. In my defense,  before you determined that I am the problem, Just know,  I have never had anything but my word. No money. No investments. My word. I've learned that words screw up my balance coming from other people. Cause people suck with words. The word "balance" is associated to the question "What are your goals?", for me. I never had balance or an answer! . That sentence was always different for me and I have always been very general with my answers. 
I was along for the ride and if I said the wrong wish/want/goal it may keep me from moving on to the next thing or invited along.  Realistically, I felt,  it would have kept me from being accepted. I had terrible acceptance issues. As of last week I still did. Most likely still do, just aware of it.  I didn't know it but I did.
I have never repeated anything in my life but last week I re-visited/repeated where I had been the last few months. Where I feel in crush with something that was the wrongest thing that had ever came into my life. It's also where  I met the best man on the face of the planet, #MagicMan. Yes the two are different. I discovered that if there was balance in my life I would have never never met the worthless mistake that I care for deeply. If balance was in my life I would be able to live in Clearwater Beach and have the best friendship I have ever known, every day. It's not a everyday friendship. We aren't like phone girls. Hell he barely answers a text. It's an uncommon relationship with a very creative and determined unconditional friend. I may have taken it it little far but understand that the very unstable balance of my life allowed me to meet these people. Just like the last 1,000 people that has came into my life that meet me in person are attracted to the crazy. The crazy is not the unbalanced part of me it was the unstable. I'm in stable condition. Now. Some people here in this small town of Panacea may disagree but those that know me for real know the truth. Yes I'm here (Panacea) for 4 more days.
In four days my dreams are coming true. I am the king of false starts and I have had a lot of them, but today I reflected a lot. I even took a pool break.
I realized what Balance was and I had answers to the question "What are your goals?". I hit the road in four days on my dream journey. I will be in a different town every week and have the tools in place to make that happen. Balance & Goals.


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